Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Weather Guys - The Very Best In The Art of Slinging Bullshit

The weather guy said to dress warm because the temp’s aren’t supposed to get out of the 30’s; 39 is supposed to be the high for Columbia and Nashville is supposed to be colder. All temp’s will be determined by the amount of cloud cover we will have throughout the day. The cold, north, Canadian wind is what is fueling the frigid temp’s and that is also supposed to be determined by the cloud cover, as well as the effect of possible southern winds coming up from the gulf. Now, if that’s the circumstance, we may just be making snowmen because of the moisture in the southern wind-blown clouds. Of course, this too will be determined by the location of where these two fronts collide into each other!

Yeah, go figure that out! I think they (the meteorologists) just couldn’t accurately outline the weather pattern so they decided to blame old Mr. Wind and how far he might blow the clouds around. When the cameras aren’t looking at the weather guys, can’t-cha just see them pacing nervously, biting their nails and desperately hoping that we’re in the market to buy this forecast! But, if we don’t, then they know they can always fall back on their computer’s unpredictability to analyze weather conditions!

This is what I think beyond a shadow of a doubt; I can honestly say by far, the very best bullshit artists are the meteorologists. If you really stop and think about it, they have to come up with not only new, but believable as well as scientifically sounding reasons as to why or what might and/or could happen with the weather patterns that perhaps may possibly make their predictions go south, so to speak. Plus, on top of all that, they have to creatively package it so that we will keep tuning in every day to buy their gorgeously wrapped articles of ‘Grade ‘A’ Approved’ Bullshit, all tied up in pretty ribbons and bows for the station’s ratings. Now, I ask you, “Who bullshits better than that?”

Do you think that at the “Weather Guy Conventions” they have a seminar on “The Artful Techniques of Slinging Bullshit ”? Do you ever wonder if they give out awards to those certain few whose skills have been perfected and polished in the “Balderdash Arena” category? Would the trophy look like a big, golden, cow patty dropping from the ass of a bull’s lifted tail? And do the weather guys actually covet that trophy? Do they smile and cry when they win it and give sappy speeches thanking their parents along with everyone else who helped them to achieve this coveted and honored award?

Yeah, you just have to admire them for the commitment they obviously must put forth every single day in order to keep us hooked, lovin’ it, and buyin’ it! Clearly it’s this dedication and hard work that keeps us tuning in to our personal favorites every day; even if we don’t or won’t believe a word they’re forecasting!

Terri Bonney November 21, 2008